Happy Birthday, Mama

Happy Birthday, Mama!
You were here just a moment ago, gone far too soon, but the life you lived, despite the heartache, the hardship and the illness was a life of wonder.

Living with that loss now for 27 years, I know that grief is a process that does not end. Always the emptiness is there, the lack. Always, the one I’d want to share this moment with is missing. Knowing that your life was cut far too short is the driving force behind who I am and how I live. Nearly all that I am is because of you, the life you lived so creatively or losing you so young.

I know that we tend to memorialize those who have died. I recognize in myself that there is no desire to dredge up the negative: I could write of the depression you suffered without a diagnosis, the pain that defined your days or the way your stubborn nature resulted in your death. But none of that is useful. Instead I write of all the ways you embraced life and inspire me to do the same.

Those who knew you well would describe you as a spontaneous spirit, someone whose stubborn, self reliance bordered on rebellion at times. Your spontaneity resulted in spur of the moment weekend road trips as often as you could afford gas in the tank. To this day, I can't see a bag of old-fashioned lemon drop hard candy without thinking of those road trips and remembering that bright orange 1979 Mazda 626 you drove so fast and with such flair.

You didn't teach me how to cook, but I became a baker because of you. If you were known for one thing, it would have been your cinnamon rolls. And when I see my children carrying on that love of baking, I know it is you living on in them.

You loved to take pictures. I don't know if you would have called yourself a photographer. Neither do I, but every picture I ever took with your old Pentax I inherited or any newer camera I have owned, channels your creativity.

 

They said you had a green thumb. Why did I not inherit that trait from you, Mom? I keep trying. 

And what about your musical talent? You had a voice that underwent an amazing transformation: changing as a result of your illness from soprano to tenor. You adapted and you shared your gift so generously, singing in church, in community groups and in quartets. And the piano. You were amazing on the piano. I don't have the gift of music: but I have a storehouse of memories that can be laid open at the sound of a piano chord or an old church hymn. 

Here's another thing we share: coffee. It's silly, I know, to make much of the small details. You loved coffee. Of course you did, you were a smart woman. I hold on to that minor piece of the puzzle because I have so few to complete the picture of you. But, I have this. This memory of you bringing me a cup of coffee. It was pale with cream, just how you liked it.  Though my preference is black, today I had a cup with cream in your memory.

I have so many memories of you outdoors. I don't think it is something we spoke of: you just gravitated towards nature. You gave that gift to me. You'll be proud to know that is has been passed on to your grandkids.

You were something of a dare-devil, afraid of almost nothing and though you died before people spoke much of things like bucket-lists, I'm pretty sure yours included driving a race car. 

Every dive, every flight, every climb I make is inspired by you, Mom. For if you didn't teach me this in living, you most certainly did in dying: life is short, there is no guarantee of tomorrow. Live deep. 

For all you have given me, you are remembered in love or your birthday. Cheers, Mama!

Get thin, Get rich, Get likes.

Happy New Year. 2017.

Everywhere you go this month, online, in stores, on radio and TV, the ads will be there, preying on your vulnerability. I don’t know why we choose the beginning of a new year to attempt to overhaul our lives. Except, maybe the passing of a calendar year, with dreams yet to be fulfilled, reminds us of how quickly time passes, how little time we have left to “finally make it”, “get thin”, “get rich”, get Instafamous.

I love New Year’s Resolutions. I am a firm believer in them. I make them every year and often in the middle of the year too. I don’t just make one. I am your typical American (50% will make resolutions) who over-resolves, making not just one resolution, but a whole dang list. I resolve big and little things: Love better, Be on Time, Run a marathon, Stay in touch with friends. I do it the Right Way too. I get specific. I make my goals measureable. I plan out baby-steps to move me toward achieving them. So, I am not here to tell you that you shouldn’t make resolutions. By all means, make them, my dear. Resolve right now to achieve it all in 2017. But, please, don’t spend your money with charlatans.

By all means, make resolutions my dear.

Weight loss is invariably one of the top five New Year’s Resolutions. Is it on your list this year? If so, you will likely be hearing all the solutions available to you right now and feeling a bit overwhelmed, a bit, adrift perhaps, in the sea of weight loss claims. The weight loss industry is one of the fastest growing and as part of the overall wellness industry is expected to continue to trend upward in 2017. “Wellness” products: foods, beverages, vitamins, supplements and gimmicky weight loss gadgets available to the average consumer today can be found online, in grocery and health food stores, through gyms and even from your neighbor, as direct marketing continues to grow. It’s not surprising to me as a healthcare professional to hear my patients repeat ridiculous health related claims that are used to sell products. They’ll often ask my opinion about a particular product. And I try to give them good advice.

Apple Cider Vinegar is one of my all-time favorites. “Why?” I always ask. Why would you drink it straight when it makes such a lovely salad dressing? I promise you that drinking straight vinegar will not help you lose the fifty pounds you need to lose. Changing your diet to one of real, whole foods and moving your body on a regular basis: those things will take off the weight. But it is depressingly slow and we want insta-results.

Your neighbor, your colleague, your niece, even your friend from high school: they aren’t necessarily out to take your money with their direct marketing weight loss products. I am sure that many of them truly believe in the products they want to sell you. But be wary. Don’t spend any money you aren’t willing to gamble. And please, if your weight has become a medical issue then don’t play around with it. Get medical help.

Bonaire Shore Diving 2016

Bonaire. February. 2016

It's a desert island.

When I look at the pictures I think...there was a lot of wildlife.
And diving. A lot of diving.
And driving around in a truck that was made in China
over rough, dusty roads,
the truck filled with nitrox tanks,
where the view on one side was cactus and rock
and on the other
it was clear blue water.

We had some equipment failures.
But, you know, divers help each other out. We had my regulator working again in less than an hour. Labor paid in beer. To a shop manager who wasn't even getting our business that week. That's how divers do it.

Rob made his 100th dive.
Then we celebrated with caipirinhas.
Later in the week, I made my 100th dive. Off La Dania's Leap.

Shore diving is something you should do.
It makes you a better diver.
We planned our entrances and exits over rough coral,
and through surf.

We did some amazing night dives,
sharing the reef with two tarpon as big as me.

We lost a camera.
In the ocean.
the OCEAN.
And we swam our search pattern and found it.

Then we celebrated with caipirinhas.

You should go there.
To Bonaire.
Do the Leap.
Do all the dives.

Take pictures of the blue waters.
Be nice to the donkeys
And cats
And epic iguanas.

Be gentle with the reef.

The bushes that surrounded our porch were home to this guy and several of his friends

We stayed at The Caribbean Club

The fence around our cottage

Check out our incredible patio!

This is pretty much where we lived when we weren't diving. The view. The breeze. The iguana....

Rob's 100th dive!

The caipirinha!

Bar side pool.

Oh yes, There was also Heineken. 

Hello, friend!

One of the bar cats.

Caribbean Club

That water

It's a SCAP. Google it. Keeps your hair in place. 

1000 steps. Ok...maybe 72. But you try carrying your gear up after the dive!  This is a Don't Miss dive site. 

La Dania's Leap

My 100th dive!

So, we weren't huge fans of the Cactus Spirits...

But, it was fun to visit the distillery, nonetheless

Chinese truck filled with Nitrox tanks.